I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
