i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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