I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
