they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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