wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
