I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
