so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
