Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
