Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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