It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
