Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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