so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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