so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm at about main and main street
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
