I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
