I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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