The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
