i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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