yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
