i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
