Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
