theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
