i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
