Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
