Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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