My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
