looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
