What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
