Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
