Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
