u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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