nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
