I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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