Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
