I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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