No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
