i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
