Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Dignity is for republicans.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
