i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
