Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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