My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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