ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
