I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
