Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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