Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
