So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
