oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I think weed is turning my hair brown
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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