I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
