bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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