when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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