Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I have demons in me.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
