Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
