i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
