Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
