just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
